apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
