I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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