so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
