Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
