Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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