my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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