Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize