im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ttyl tear gas
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
