A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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