I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
