trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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