is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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