His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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