need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
