Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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