So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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