just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
