hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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