He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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