What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
