I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
