that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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