This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
