D3 body, D1 cock
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's the barista slut.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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