If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
