Your tits are I can't wait for
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
