And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
