She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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