On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
