So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
