coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
