i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
