I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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