I just saw a hot homeless man
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
