worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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