I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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