Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
