I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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