4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
