can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
