She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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