Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
