Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
