Your tits are I can't wait for
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
