we have pet lesbian snakes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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