that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
