Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
