Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
