I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
