I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
