The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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