Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize