1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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