we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
