there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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