Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
