$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
