the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
