Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize