well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
