I just saw a hot homeless man
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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