is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
