she was so not down for the gang bang
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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