I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We need to rekindle our bromance
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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