ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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