how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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