everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
