Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and she was petting her beer can
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
