If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
