"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I touched a dick in church today
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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