Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
